Who needs a gun when you could have a badass club and shield nightstand?
This self proclaimed weapon-table does it all! It holds your drinks, gives a stable surface for your phone and alarm clock, and it even can pummel your fiercest foe. While in defense mode, you can use this contraption to fend off burglers, or to harass your drunk friends.
Unfortunately, this item does not seem to be for sale at The Function Key, which is where it debuted. I really wanted to get one of these as soon as i saw it, but the process in purchasing this seems to be a mystery. It may be fake and it may be real, all I know, is that its Epic.